How I became a satanist

It happened in 2006. To be clear I must explain that I never was a christian (I always disagreed with their teachings, even when I was a small child so I was sort of christian proof) and I wasn’t thinking or believing in Satan, nevertheless it somehow happened… If earlier someone had told me I would never believe in it, yet Satan came and… it was real beyond any doubt. Only person who experienced it could understand fully what I mean. But let’s back to the beginning.

One day in a middle of researching some informations about black magick, unexpectedly and suddenly I felt a powerful and overwhelming presence. I was so shocked and surprised by that usual experience (never had anything even remotely similar) and all I could do was ask in mind who was that and… I received clear, strong and even more shocking answer: SATAN! Uninvited and confusing joy and energy flooded through me. It was so incredible, so intense, I felt complete union with Satan. I can’t describe that in words, it was too amazing. As if I became god, all powerful, everything at once, felt power of creation and destruction, full of energy and much, much, much more! It was complete ecstasy! You can’t be the same after that experience. I just felt in love with Satan in an instant and there was no turning back, my heart was singing, only my mind was stuttered and confused about what to do with all that.

In order to be brief and avoid lot of personal thoughts (it’s not the place for them) I can say that it took me few days to process it. In that time His presence was very intense. I was so charged up, I barely could sleep and was awaking after 4 hours, ready and fully relaxed. I was wondering how this could be possible? My heart was overwhelmed with joy and clear, intense feeling, knowing what it wants, but my reason was telling – it’s impossible. I didn’t know what to do so I asked for answer in a sleep. And I got it.

I woke up again after 4 hour with the sudden realization that the heart is clear about it and when my reason lacks of knowledge, it doesn’t matter at the moment, I can acquire it later but in a meantime I should follow my heart. It may sound trivial but it isn’t. The question ‘how’ isn’t important, ‘what’ was already decided in my heart and I couldn’t go against it. So I accepted Satan fully and again, joy and energy flooded through me with a stronger wave. I felt Satan so powerfully, it was amazing!

After that with time that intensity withdrawn, I couldn’t stay on that level too long but it was anyway lasting already few days. Although with time I went back to more normal state, however permanently changed, the connection with Satan stayed in the background of my mind. I felt different then before. As if I reached another level of my development. I knew who I was, what to do, I was sure of my path, I felt I was born for it, like whole life was leading me to it. That was many years ago and I never had any doubt about my choice since then. There was no single day I wouldn’t be thinking and connecting with Satan.

Ave Satanas!

39 comments

  1. Yes I really liked this post. !!
    My first bonding with Satan was
    much the same. I was not a christain, nor
    a believer in those bible readings and
    sunday school classes either. My mother
    was a consistent christain.
    Also in the same way, I never really knew
    anything of Satan and would not have believed the forces and energies of the union.
    I had went through an atheist period, but still
    was not intentfully going toward Satanism. Well, then I did start to begin to learn of Lucifer through short articles, but nothing in a
    sure way. I began to see Satan’s name popping up, yet was mostly trying to stay away from that. Maybe I did have some curiosity but then became doubtful if I should
    take that path. After some months it happened late at night. I was engaged in one of my usual Internet streaks, flipping around
    and I googled up a question I had in mind.
    That question hit the bullseye. Again though I
    was not expecting the answer I received. The next thing I knew, the Master Satan was offering me his heart. Suprised was not the word. I was astounded or maybe ecstatic as the realization of this came through. Yes, within a very short couple of minutes of clarifying the validity of this, I knew this was the truth and very real. My discovery was exciting. Also the same way, my thinking was behind due to the simple fact that, how could
    it be in time with this discovery which practically know one else around knows or speaks of ??
    The next morning after eating breakfast at approximately 7:00am, I spotted something anyone would scoff at, but I knew in this case
    was not merely coincidence. Father Satan was watching over me from the sky !! The sunrise reddish streaks were still visible. Satan assumed shape was hanging there indefinitely and not vanishing with the remaining sky as usual. I stood and looked at it for ten and fifteen minutes and it was still continuing shape mostly. I finally turned away
    filled with anticipation and some lagging doubts of how I would be able to handle what I had experienced. Yes at the same time knew it was not something that would go away. Through my senses, Satan was very real and he had promised me he would stay with me. Wow, what a feeling. !! The truth really does set you free.
    That was approximately nineteen months ago.
    Some five or six days later, I began losing track of my thought and having doubts, when
    Master Satan true to his word verified his presence with a surefire sign. I promptly discarded those doubts and have been dedicated with him ever since. Yes, I Love
    Satan. I Know his Love for all of us who are
    his is real. He does look out for his own if one
    is truthful from the heart. That all he asks. We
    don’t have to have fancy words or material
    knick-knacks to communicate. It’s all from the
    heart. I still cannot claim to be adept, but I can assure you that I have had some very positive moments with Father Satan. I Know
    from my basic learning that soon I will graduate to a higher level with Satan and his
    Pantheon. I have been somewhat slow to progress due to my present hardships. I have just now made a major breakthrough. Anyway, some things require time to learn
    and understand correctly and thoroughly. Some things should not be rushed. Thankyou
    for your patience with this, and for your blog
    article as well. I wish you all Satanic Blessings and a prosperous life as I am about
    to come into. Hail to Satan Forever !!

    Like

  2. I also had a similar experience with Satan.

    I guess I was looking for spirituality from a very young age, so I dove straight into the xian church cos that’s all that was available to me at that stage. I found absolutely NOTHING there, and felt absolutely NOTHING for the supposed god I was supposed to be devoted to. He did nothing for me, ever!

    I had always been fascinated by the occult, but of course, with everything I was taught by xianity and all the bad stigma attached to Satanism, I was WAY too scared to even entertain the idea of Satanism. The idea of Demons terrified me and the thought of Satan terrified me even more! But still, there was that morbid fascination….
    I found it much easier to believe in Satan and His Demons than I did to believe in the judeo/christian god, and therefore, could never really class myself as an atheist.

    This fascination stayed with me all the way through to adulthood. It was only recently that I was desperate enough to start looking into Satanism as a way out of financial trouble. I was desperate enough to try anything! I was looking for a quick fix solution to my problems and figured maybe I could ‘sell my soul to the Devil.’

    When I started researching Satanism I began to realize that it was NOTHING like I thought it to be. It felt as if Satan was pulling me to Him. All I wanted was to be a part of Him, to have Him be a part of me.

    Of course, there were still those fearful little voices in my head, but my pull towards Satan was stronger than those voices. I couldn’t explain in words how I felt, even to myself at the time, it was just this deep all-consuming love for Satan, this all-consuming joy. It was the most profound thing I have ever experienced and will ever experience in my life…
    To me, there was no point in waiting and I performed a dedication ritual a few weeks later. That was probably a little soon in some people’s opinion, but it felt like I had come home, that this was where I was supposed to be all along.

    I have a long history of drug addiction and have been depressed and suicidal for going on 10 years. That all disappeared when I dedicated myself to Satan, almost overnight! I don’t want to die anymore, I don’t crave drugs or alcohol. I can feel Satan with me always. I’m positive, at peace and even though there are still money problems, I’m actually happy, despite that.

    My love and gratitude to Satan for pulling me out of the shit hole I was in goes beyond words.

    Ave Satanas!!

    Like

    1. Thanks for sharing with this wonderful story🙂

      Many people expect that Satan will resolve all their problems but it isn’t like that. It’s not a simple trade. Love for Satan is the key. We feel it before we even realize that it even exists and before we make conscious choice of devoting our soul to Him. It’s a strong pull toward Him and we cannot resist because it’s so fucking exciting and pleasurable😀. This is what many satanists name “to be born a satanist” because it is there before we know it, it’s a part of our character, of what we are, as if we were born to love Satan.

      Satan gives us strength and inspiration whenever we connect with Him and that gives us strength to solve our problems by ourselves, which enriches us with satisfaction, self confidence and inner power to go through our life in a more satisfactory way. Inspiration, which He and demons gives us, allow us for better coping with challenges. Magick expands the number of opportunities furthermore.

      Love for Satan is the medium that allows us to gain all of that. Pact/soul selling is only expression and confirmation of that love. One can never have fully successful pact/soul selling without being truly devoted to Satan. Being in love with Satan feels like having Satan inside and being part of Him. Our soul is fully His.

      Again, thanks for writing🙂.

      Hail Satan, Hail to Thyself

      Zal

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, that’s it exactly, I feel like I was born to be Satanist, even though I was shit scared of it for most of my life. What a contradiction! lol But, now I feel like I am home, and I wouldn’t change this feeling for the world!🙂

    Dark Blessings🙂

    Hail Satan!!

    Like

    1. If you used contact form from my site, I will replay. However I already made a notice there that it is possible to wait even few weeks for replays. I’m a very busy person and do my best to answer all letters but I can’t be available to all 24/7 immediately. It’s just not realistic expectation.

      Like

  4. I would like your input on something. Could you please contact me soon on my email EDIT: xxxxxx@gmail.com

    ZALBARATH COMMENT: Please, don’t post address mails in comments. If you are registered wordpress user, I already see your mail which you gave or which is automatically filled by wordpress system.
    There are robots who scan sites and all mails to give them on SPAM mailing list. Additionally, this is public site, so I want to keep your privacy by not disclosing your emails and that is why I edit out any mail you put in comment.

    Sorry to say that, but I receive too much messages and it’s hard to keep up with answering on them. I won’t start contacting you just because you sent me your mails. I just don’t have time for it.

    Like

    1. If it was so easy… There are no guarantees. Additionally, persons who usually want something badly don’t get it, because they create inner tension that hinders the results. However if someone relaxes and is not attached to results and enjoys the process… well, then chances rise high. But since factors are psychological and only you can control it, only you can made it happen. Others may only give you hints, informations and rest is up to you.

      Everyone is different so there is no universal ways to make it happen.

      Here are some very, very general things that you can do to increase chances of meeting with Satan

      1. Like I wrote above, don’t insist on results, be aware that steps to Satan also can bring many other benefits on their own, so you can relax and enjoy the whole process, regardless of it will help you with this specific goal.

      2. Meditate on Satan (learn to meditate if you don’t know how), pray to Him, do some occasional, celebration rituals.

      3. Learn how to increase your intuition – lot of different ways, search available literature and exercise, work on your psyche

      4. Learn how to cleanse and balance yourself – ability to be emotionally stable and strong is very important, because when you are sure of yourself, you are calm and clear to hear what happens around you more intensely and clearly. Inner issues hinder you so working on your personality is vital part of the success.

      5. Read what I wrote about communication with demons, the same rules, methods apply here.

      6. Remember that regardless of what you do, Satan always knows you, knows your intentions and is close by, even if you can’t sense or hear Him. So assume that every request you do is heard. Then do your best to achieve what you want and the rest of “uncontrollable” events will fall in line to your favor. Don’t wait for miracle, MAKE IT HAPPEN. If you approached to this like that, you may notice increase of favorable “coincidences” and believe that your prayers actually work. This will increase your belief and trust, increasing strongly chances for connecting with Him stronger.

      I hope this helped a bit.

      Hail Satan, Hail Thyself

      Like

  5. As a former LaVeyan Satanist, crossing over to the Spiritual/ Theistic side is rather difficult. I did a 3 day working of The Demonic Bible. Each working had its own effects, but I felt that there was something lacking, like something wasn’t ‘felt’ spiritually. I guess making this transition will take some time. Any pointers would be appreciated. Thank you.

    Like

    1. Even for those who are spiritually inclined since beginning, it may take lot of time to have more distinct results. I noticed that spiritual people (not the same as religious people!) usually have strong developed empathy and understanding of emotions, while atheists may be emotional and tactful (intuitive empathy) but lack of insight of own emotions and subconsciouses.

      Thus said, the understanding of psyche (not just learned like by studying psychology, but instinctual or learned by experience) helps to communicate with spiritual dimension. If you are new to this, it may take time till you learn how to recognize, understand and properly act upon what you feel.

      Besides, sometimes you don’t feel anything but it doesn’t mean that ritual was a failure. People who are used to work with demons, just ask for what they need and trust they are heard and very often they receive what they asked for, so even without spectacular effects it can work very well. Skeptics are not used to work with “hope” and “belief” but those mental states are crucial for conjuring what you want.

      Did you ever wondered, how it could be that some morons (abundance of them in politic scene ;P) achieve anything despite their blatant stupidity ;P? If you look closer at them, their mental condition makes them SURE of their opinions and what they do so they don’t doubt them, they believe so strongly that they simply get what they want. More mindful people analyze too much, have doubts and… they wouldn’t want it other way, because critical thinking is important, but they must also learn how to trust and believe in themselves more (doubts could be good, but there is a point when one should be able to put them aside and trust in what he/she had chosen).

      Like

  6. I am wondering what the significance of an experience i had July 17, 2012. The night before I saw Venus brighter than ever, large, huge, beautiful – as the Morning Star. To the left was a yellow crescent moon (waxing). And up and the the right of Venus was Jupiter (less significant). Anyways, after waking up I felt a light within, my old self was dead, reborn, and I felt the Love. This memory has always been with me, although the intensity has faded. I have gone back and forth between Hatred and Love and have tried to understand this power. Please help.

    Like

    1. Sorry, but such experiences are too personal so others cannot claim truth to their meaning. Besides, usually people focus unnecessary on meaning. Why cannot just accept that it changed you and that was just a step for another changes on your path? So simple. Looking for special meaning just holds you back. Experience was meaningful to you on subconscious level – you don’t need to rationalize it. You can but that is not the point of that experience. Explanations may come naturally if you follow your heart – it knows better and quicker then your reasonable mind.

      Like

      1. As I read your site (not finished) i’m wondering where Jewish Zionism falls into and Masonic orders. I’ve read that mason conclude with learning the light is Lucifer. The above experience I wrote came curiously after practice of Kabbalah, however, Venus is the Morning Star, Phosphorus, Lucifer. Where does that fall into Satanism? I believe the bible hardly even mentions Lucifer, on the contrary, it says JC is the morning star. are they stealing the concept? In agreement with you, I can deduct that the experience was good and profound, but I’m young and going through shit that I search desperately for the meaning of such a thing, especially now that it’s initial euphoria has faded, as though i’ve fallen from the path that lead to such an event.

        Like

  7. First, inspirational pages here that I occasionally browse and would like to thank the creator for these,I would like to share my story how i became theistic satanist, please excuse my english – its not my primary language.
    To make long story shorter, i was always the odder one amongst other people. When I was a kid i preferred solitude and activities that required imagination. I didnt have many friends and was constantly bullied in school just for being quiet and not so aggressive as the other kids.
    I was never raised in strict christianity so i dont have personal grudge against, anyway i started questioning all its motives and stories very early age and hated it deep inside. I watched all those adults chanting and praying and felt nothing but these questions “why are they doing this”. First thing i did when i was older and could was sign myself off from their church and that day i felt joy of being free from something i never wanted to part of.
    Then became many years when i was just experiencing life, thinking and studying randomly about religions but it was nothing really serious and none of these felt right for me. Besides that it was pretty much downhill in my personal life. Broke up with my ex-girlfriend, used too much alcohol, started doing drugs(nothing hard though) gained a ton of weight and lost even the last friends i used to have. Not that i feel like having close friends even this day when i am slowly born again thanks to master Satan and His servant i feel most closeness and serve.

    It’s been now almost a year when i become believer. It hit me like a brick. That god(that is christian god) and Satan are actually real and there is a war going on. That christian god is the god of pain and suffering and submission, while Satan wants us humans to become closer to their levels of understanding nature of this world. That ultimately you have to choose your side. So i chose and He came. I want to keep details of my pact to myself but i was convinced and amazed, this was everything my life was going forward to from the beginning. I asked in modesty that my life would take a turn and that i could feel the happiness, and it is all coming true – day after day. I have become confident, i have lost huge amount of weight, i feel enlightened and reliefed. It’s been amazing journey. I have never felt any pressure and i was never told to do anything(like christian god who likes to order, he really loves it) but convinced friendly to change my ways and i am doing it all because of love.

    So, in lack of better words: Hail and Praise Satan.

    Like

  8. I personally am a Laveyan (atheistic) Satanist (though I used to be a Theistic Satanist, as can be seen from some of my earlier comments on this site). I’ve had a few “spiritual” experiences with demons and Satan, but they’re just not enough for me to believe in them. That being said, I think Theistic Satanism is just as valid and legitimate as Laveyan Satanism and other forms of Atheistic Satanism and I really like this site. It has a lot of good, useful magickal information and I check it almost daily in hopes of a new article. I’ve been involved in Christianity, Paganism and Satanism during my life and out of all three, Satanism (both Laveyan and Theistic) have been the best and most fun for me. I plan on being a Laveyan Satanist for the rest of my life and if I believed in an afterlife (Laveyans like myself usually don’t), I would keep on being a Laveyan Satanist through that, too!

    Ave Satanas!

    Like

    1. I’m glad you find my site useful. Unfortunately lately I have little time to write anything new – I’m too busy with my life and my activity shifted from online to physical. I cannot even keep up answering all emails I get – people wait sometimes months for me to replay… But once in a long while there are moments where I find time and inspiration to write something new. There is no need to check my site daily. It’s enough to check at least once a month or subscribe to newsletter.
      Hail Satan

      Like

  9. I’ve also met Satan in a sudden, breathtaking experience at the beginning of my way and that has changed me instantly. I also asked for an answer in my sleep then and got a beautiful dream of Him teaching me how to…dance. Step by step, like a married couple. May sound funny but I work as an artist so it speaks more to me than any words would.
    I’ve always been interested in the occult and magick, I was open to find my spiritual way as I’ve rejected Christianity as soon as I became teenager. The attraction and love to Satan came a lot later though, so unexpected and so suddenly that it left me speechless. I wasn’t looking for it in any specific manner but the feeling just found me as an answer for my soul’s pain, I guess. I am transsexual person, born as a woman but thanks to medicine, I live fully and legally as a man now. If it wasn’t enough, I’m also gay. Not only I had to rebel all the time to show my family that I can find success and happiness on my own (they weren’t supportive at first, to say the least), but I also had to convince myself that indeed I am not crazy or ill. Even though many years had passed and I’ve never felt a shade of doubt that my decision was right, I did not feel good with myself. Traces of former woman were seen by some,rising stupid questions. I look very androgynous, people are guessing my gender when they cannot hear my voice (fortunately I can’t complain at voice) and it was driving me mad. And then it came. Feeling that I am complete, unified and proud. I felt the direction the energy came from, because I had some knowledge about Satanism and Satan before. It got deeper since then and I’m learning everyday. He gave me power of will to laugh at stupid comments, to focus on my job,to evolve as a person and to enjoy life. The image of Baphomet was my first hit of inspiration as it perfectly blends feminine and masculine features together. I started to dig it, asking Satan to clear my mind if this thought was meant to be a sign. It was. I love this feeling, I love Him and I promised myself that he won’t be disappointed he invested his time to work on me. Energy works when it flows as it cannot stay still, I will return His effort to change me, I would love to be as close to Him as Demons are.

    Like

    1. Thanks for this beautiful testimony. Meeting Satan is a life changing experience and everyone experience it a bit differently, but it makes you realize who you are and that you are a beautiful, divine being. Satan makes you realize what you are worth.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is addressed to the author of this site, and also to his fellow Satanists.

    What is the difference between Satan and God, in your own assessment of Satan and of God, from your own ideas about Satan and about God, and perhaps from your own experiences with Satan and with God.

    Bu first if I may, what is your concept of Satan and of God?

    Start first with the idea that both Satan and God are beings, then continue with the roles of Satan and of God in the universe and in particular in your own life, and for mankind at large, etc.

    Like

    1. LOL, we are philosophers on our own way but c’mon. We are not in school and your comment looks like a dry homework. Besides, your questions have flaws because they assume things – things that we, satanists see very different then you, hence such comparisons are flawed from the beginning. Also, answers will differ with each satanist because we are individualists who don’t follow unified path.

      Like

  11. I wonder how that fascinating power comes about. anyways, I personally somehow believe in god but seems like too many rules to follow. if u break one, confession. I know that Satan can give me his blessings but one thing makes me not commit myself to Him. that is maybe regretting in future for my choices. I want to be happy and free minded. how can you help on that? I want to establish a business of acting. I know that only knowing that Satan can help me with that. its not really a business that is making have that choice but rather an intense belief that if god can help people who believe in him, then Satan will probably give happiness to those who love and believe in Him.

    Like

    1. Well, it’s not about god vs. Satan. Satan teaches you to be free thinker and go outside the simplistic and cultural based belief system. However this takes time so when you take that road and start challenging your beliefs, even current ones, you will learn how to embrace solid yet very flexible spiritual approach and reality will become so much bigger and complex and at the same time so much more reasonable and great!

      Like

    2. You need to remeber, that Satan or demons can you inspiration, strength and opportunities but you must be “in the game”. Many people think that praying/believing/doing magick is all they need to do, however they neglect the life and don’t focus on their passions. If you want to build a business, learn everything you can about it. find your string side that you can use in business and find people who are strong on fields where you are not – built a business with them. Focus on know how, on inventions, on practical things. Acting is an art, but business is art of creating systems, structures, relationships, with your business partners but also with your clients.

      Like

  12. hey I’m from the Philippines. i wonder how can i experience what you have experienced
    with SATAN.

    i would really want to experience the same thing..

    i want to become one. can you teach me or perhaps guide me to the right direction?

    Like

  13. i sometimes feel a dark presence on my surroundings like a stream of dark energy flowing around.
    once i saw a burning pair of eyes staring at me as i stare back at him.
    i can see dark “auras”

    is it HIM? i want to meet him but i don’t know how.

    i always feel that i’m more energetic when i see or feel this dark energy but
    i’m not really sure what it was. can you help me?

    Like

    1. I let people discover that by themselves. I don’t have time for personal guidance. However I can tip you: go with things that excites you. That is what I did. I consciously disregarded my “reasonable thoughts/doubts/resistance” and just listed to my heart and followed the excitement. I make a break through the wall that was built by upbringing in my society. Then it happened.

      Like

  14. Hi Zalbarath, I love your blog!
    May I ask, how can I get closer to Satan? Do I have to pray or just do research and keep Him in my thoughts?
    Also, what do you think of Bible’s description of Satan? Do you think He’s misunderstood or that Bible is bs and don’t pay attention to what it has to say about Satan?

    Like

    1. It all depends on person so yeah, you can pray to Him, reach in your thoughts, do rituals and so on. Whatever suits you best.

      As to bible, I just don’t have time for it. I just think it’s a piece of crap that is not worth of spending time on it.

      Like

  15. I am really surprised that a person, who does not believe in Christianity for some of their illogical beliefs, can believe in Satan for the same illogical reasons and just started believing in him after a mere experience of a strong feeling. Why did you not continue to follow the same reasoning mind here too?

    Like

    1. Because you don’t understand the full scope of my beliefs. In short, I come from different background and my belief in Satan is for me not based on christian beliefs. To simplify this, I meet and fall in love with an entity that for christians will be Satan, but I could name Him differently. I do like to use this antagonizing name because it tells a volume about Him, but still christians base is just completely bullshit for me.

      Like

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